On Being Married

Posted on 2023-02-03

Category: Lifestyle

A few people have sent me messages in disbelief along the following lines:

I’m addressing some of these now, in a Q & A fashion, because I think it’s quite important to look at marriage and what it means today for any man that takes part.

This site sets out the issues very clearly. I myself have set out some of the negative issues for men with marriage.

I personally DO NOT recommend marriage for men in the west. And this is what I’ll be advising my son, too.

Getting down to it

Q: So why did you get married, knowing what you know about the problems of marriage for men?

A: For the simple reason that although technically, I am indeed foolish, in actuality I am living a marriage quite different from the norm.

Q: Yeah, right. How is that, exactly?

A: Because of the characters involved, namely me and her.

Q: What’s so different about you and her?

A: It’s not about “difference”, it’s about “choice”.

I see the powers over men that are granted to women in marriage as being like a menu of options sitting at the table in front of a woman in a restaurant:

What we have is a situation where she could do any of those things at her whim, almost as easily as she could pick a dessert from a restaurant menu.

The list of options is right there in front of her and the waiter (in the shape of government, the legal industry and the abuse industry) is hovering nearby, ready and eager to take her order.

But she isn’t ordering.

She’s not even looking at the menu.

She has actually covered it with her napkin.

Q: But the menu is still there, right? If you piss her off enough, she could pick up that menu and start ordering with abandon.

A: Yes, she could.

Q: Well, then you’re a fool and maybe worse than that, because at least a fool didn’t know what he was getting into.

A: I don’t agree for these reasons:

I’m a highly unusual person based on those people that I have ever met and known in my life. This project is a case in point. It took me 7 years of my free time with no payment. For less work and stress, I could have earned a PhD or, as one friend put it: “You could have been a vet!”. And look at the subject I picked to spend so much time and effort on. Hardly sensible, by all accounts. As I said, I am an unusual person.

I don’t see the world in the same way as anyone I have ever come across and the judgments and decisions that I make on the basis of my mental model of the world, are often confusing to those around me. What I’m saying is that I am a very contrary person in how I choose to live. I fight the norms of behaviour in many ways out of bloody mindedness and because of the way I choose to see things.

I did not have a happy upbringing with happily married parents to blindly model my future on. I did not look for a woman to “complete me”. I did not make happy assumptions about how things would turn out after marriage. I did not fall wildly in love and sprint to the altar, many years were involved. I do not wear rose-tinted spectacles when looking at the world or examining the natures of women. I have a clarity and certainty of opinion as regards the MRM and the position of men in society that has sometimes startled even those close to me.

Enter marriage

When considering marriage, I went into it with my eyes open.

I was already an MRA with most of my documentary in the can (but mostly unedited).

My wife was instrumental in helping me produce the final product. I would have done it anyway, of course, but it would have taken longer.

She helped with filming; she watched every minute of footage (including the tedious rough cuts when it was over 40 hours long rather then the 15 hours it is now); she helped me to make time for editing and cleared out of the house when I needed silence for recording audio; she brought clippings from newspapers and pointers to news or TV show footage for me to download after I had stopped reading newspapers and watching TV myself.

She is one highly unusual person. Just like me.

Q: What does all this rambling mean?

A: It means that if one chooses to live outside of the parameters that are continually forced upon us, makes an explicit choice (not an unconscious one) to live that way, then that person is not someone who browses a menu looking for something to eat. That person already knows what they want to eat.

I am like that. My wife is like that.

Q: You’re still rambling. Are you saying she’s your “soul mate” or something equally corny? Is she the mythical woman who is “not like that”?

A: Nope. But what I am saying is that my wife is no more likely to become a toxic woman than I am likely to become a Feminist.

The fact is, I could stop work on MRA material, this instant, and become a major supporter of Feminism. I could do it and I could even re-cut some of my existing material and start to produce films to back up my new found Feminist perspective in short order.

What’s to stop me becoming a Feminist? It would be a hell of a lot easier than being an MRA and I’d probably get official funding for any video work I did. I wouldn’t even have to think about pixellating my face in my films due to potential financial consequences and the like. It’d be great.

But it’s not likely is it? It’s not something you could safely bet on.

And why not? Because that’s simply not what I believe and that makes it highly unlikely that I would become a Feminist, even though there’s nothing to stop me doing it and it would be beneficial for me to do it in many ways.

This is how it is for me and my wife in how we see the world.

The options are there for her to royally screw me over. The option is there for me to become a Feminist. Neither will happen.

They could happen, but they won’t. They are encouraged by society to happen, but they won’t. They are rewarded by society, but we are not interested. etc etc

To put it another way, if Tony Soprano had a noisy neighbour, do you think he would call the borough council or the police to sort it out? Is reliance on the law and the state the way that character has chosen to live his life?

Q: Might she become interested in using the powers offered to her by the state, if things sour between you, etc etc?

A: Yes she might. Might I become a Feminist if the MRM pisses me off? Yes, I might. But I wouldn’t bet so much as a penny on it.

Q: But how many men could say the same about the woman in their lives?

A: Not many and that’s why I DO NOT recommend marriage to men as a rule. However, for me, it has worked out because of the precise and unusual natures of myself and her.

As I said at the start, I am still technically in danger of falling foul of her. I am still technically wrong to have got married. But I believe I have side-stepped those risks because of the players involved. I don’t feel I need to guard the basket against a player on my own team even though they might go rogue and dunk over me.

No one can predict the future and there is always risk for men in a game as rigged as marriage, but if things were to go wrong between me and she, the state wouldn’t even know about it. No lawyer would know about it. No family court would have an inkling. The police would have no idea. None of those parasitic agencies would get a look in. We would not be grist for their mill. We would handle it between ourselves and the rest of the family because that’s simply how we choose to interact with the world.

The sad thing is, the corruption of marriage law has made marriage suitable only for those who can form an existence within an existence, a world within a world.

The real world wants to tear apart marriages and reap the spoils in terms of money and power. Marriage can only work now if you are basically a man and woman who refuse to bow to pressure and are not interested in false rewards. Two people who, even if they grew to hate and distrust each other, would always hate and distrust the family court much more.

Q: So why get married at all? Why not just be together and avoid the grasping fingers of the state and Feminist law?

A: Now that’s a different question altogether and is not really the subject of this article. Suffice to say that I have my own definition of marriage and it suits me to be married.

Q: So what about NAWALT? Are you now saying that there are lots of “good” women out there for men to find? Will you be removing it from your glossary?

A: Nope. My views on NAWALT are still in full effect.

I’m not saying that my wife is a woman who is “not like that”, I’m saying that she is not even in the reckoning. She is outside of the game entirely and so I don’t judge her on those terms.

It’s similar to the MGTOW movement or the new paradigm for men:

Question: “Hey, are you an Alpha male or a Beta male?
Answer: “Neither, I’m a Zeta male”

In a strange way, and contrary to popular MRA speak, marriage is perhaps only suitable for those who have taken the red pill, rather than those who haven’t. This applies to men and women. A man needs the red pill to understand what harm could be done to him and why; a woman needs the red pill to understand why she has been granted so much power to harm him and why.

Walking through a minefield with an accurate map of where every mine is placed is not the same as walking through one without even knowing that there are mines present.

In getting married, I have not been hypocritical and I have not taken any risk that I haven’t quantified and analysed with the full rigor with which I apply myself to everything that I do.

The Final Analysis

In my NAWALT definition, I liken the marriage game (and even the dating game) to “playing Russian roulette with a six-shooter loaded with 4 bullets”. However, it’s not the same game when you take a peek at the chambers before pulling the trigger.

Q: Could you be wrong?

A: Hell yes. But I’ve bet my life that I’m not.

 

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